Just Because

So... raise your hand if you are a woman - AND you look in the mirror every morning and say, "Yes, that looks just right." It really isn't done by many... We all have something about which we like to criticize ourselves.

But, as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And being beheld by God is a safe place to be. Nichole Nordeman has a song called "Anyway" which describes quite nicely how we are seen by God:

Bless the day this restoration is complete

Dirty, dusty something must be underneath

So I scrape and I scuff though it's never quite enough

I'm starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old

I guess it's no surprise that I'm no Michelangelo

Every layer of mine hides a lovely design

It might take a little patience

It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful

When you saw my shame

And you placed me on the wall

Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see

A portrait of the holiness you meant for me

So I polish and shine 'til it's easier to find

even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful

When you saw my shame

And you placed me on the wall

Anyway...

God sees me as beautiful - even though... regardless... anyway. It's not that I've been good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or righteous enough. Because I haven't. My Bible tells me that even my best "righteousness" is as filthy rags. It's not that I've finally worked hard enough. It's that He loves me. Just because.

A First Post

Being a woman, and an imperfect one at that, I have my issues.

Scratch that -- being HUMAN, and an imperfect one at that, I have my issues. I suppose issues aren't solely feminine domain... but, being a woman, I feel qualified to speak only to more feminine issues. Thus, this blog will be dedicated to just that.

There are men who decided to try reading this who are, at this moment, frozen - with horrific thoughts of maxi-pads and lip balm parading in their heads. The shock! The horror! But no, I won't be speaking of the latest fashions, or discussing which brand of tampon will bring the longest lasting comfort (the sad fact is that no tampon can bring "comfort" during that horrible process). So no... these are not the issues at hand.

We're talking insecurities of all shapes and sizes. Depression anyone? How about marriage issues? Motherhood! Life is full of complex problems... and there is only one place to go for answers. Jesus Christ. (Yes, I sense some head shaking... maybe some eye rolling...)

My most recent epiphany is that I am loved. Loved, absolutely - based on no merit of mine. I don't have to bend over backwards trying to be something in particular in order to earn the favor of God. He loves me already. I'm His. (Seriously, how cool is THAT?) When I make a mistake, I don't have to do penance... I just have to get up and try again.

I have spent most of my life living in fear and worry. Fear that if I'm not good enough, my husband won't love me anymore. Fear that if I don't act exactly right, I'll make God mad at me. Fear that my relationship with my kids, and my daughter in particular, will deteriorate and we'll spend her teen years fighting. (Isn't that what normally happens? But I want to be different!)

But the fear and the worry -- not necessary. The insecurities... the thoughts that I'm just not good enough... the idea that I have to be the prettiest or the best in order to keep my husband's attention... the idea that my daughter is naturally going to learn to hate me because I'm so obnoxious (who would have thought it, right?)... All those thoughts can be replaced with new thoughts. No more listening to lies for me...

I'll take it one day at a time...